


Catullus

by Tarlan



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-25
Updated: 2005-03-25
Packaged: 2017-10-19 02:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/195978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mulder's investigation into the God of Love leads to revelations about himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catullus

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Mulder/Krycek 'Once Upon A Time' M/K Lyric Wheel Challenge 2005 - With thanks to Deb (Kashmir) for the extract...
> 
>  _And all good children, both girls and boys, whom he told about this, were on their guard against wicked Cupid; but he deceives them all the same, for he is very deep. When the students come out of class, he walks beside them with a book under his arm, and wearing a black coat. They cannot recognize him. And then, if they take him by the arm, believing him to be a student too, he sticks an arrow into their chest. And when the girls go to church to be confirmed, he is amongst them too. In fact, he is always after people. He sits in the large chandelier in the theatre and blazes away, so that people think it is a lamp; but they soon find out their mistake. He walks about in the castle garden and on the promenades. Yes, once he shot your father and your mother in the heart too. Just ask them, and you will hear what they say. Oh! he is a bad boy, this Cupid, and you must never have anything to do with him, for he is after every one. Just think, he even shot an arrow at old grandmother; but that was a long time ago. The wound has long been healed, but such things are never forgotten._
> 
>  _Now you know what a bad boy this wicked Cupid is._
> 
>  _from The Saucy Boy by Hans Christian Andersen_

_Odi et amo. Quare id faciam fortasse requiris?  
Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.  
 **Catullus**_

(I hate and I love. Why I do so, perhaps you ask?  
I know not, but I feel it, and I am in torment.)

 

****

"Cupid?"

Scully had that raised eyebrow, 'I-can't-believe-I'm-hearing-this' look on her face as Mulder pointed to the article in the Lone Gunmen's magazine. The header blazoned out, 'Cupid? Angel or Demon?' followed by an editorial reminding the reader of the mythology behind the name. Mulder flicked to the article inside and began reading one of the many stories from people claiming to have been shot by Cupid's deadly arrows.

"I was walking back from the library and dropped a couple of books. This guy picked them up and he kinda looked familiar. We walked on aways together and then I felt this incredible pain in my chest. I looked down and I swear I could see this shimmering arrow. Next thing I know the guy has gone and there's plain old Charlene Olssen yet I can barely breathe 'cause she looks so beautiful--"

"Mulder? Have you ever considered varying your pitch and tone as you read...?"

"Hah hah," he sent back. "This isn't a story, Scully. This is a factual account of an encounter with a creature able to manipulate emotions. Cupid was not the only recorded empath. Other so-called mythological beings had the ability to cause anger, rage, despair, laughter--"

"The operative word is 'mythological'."

"Think about it, Scully. Mythology is often based on legend, and legend is often based on fact--"

"Loosely. Loosely based on fact."

"There are people who can influence emotions... Melissa!" he stated sharply. "You're own sister could read auras and influence people according--"

"You don't really believe in that... hocus pocus?"

Mulder stepped back a pace. After all they had been through, he could not understand her constant denial of the facts. They had seen genetic freaks like Tooms, monsters like Flukeman, and aliens that could shape shift and who were bent on taking over the whole planet. Yet she still could not believe that there was more truth out there, just waiting to be uncovered.

Scully leaned back in her chair. "Okay... just supposing for one minute that this... Cupid... is a real person." She raised one perfectly sculptured eyebrow again. "How can he be in..." she scanned the article, "both Wichita *and* Chicago at the same time on the same day?"

"Is he a person? Is he even human? Mythology has it that he could come and go as he pleased, shooting his arrows and then disappearing in seconds. All of the gods of mythology had this same teleportation ability, able to appear out of thin air whenever and wherever they wanted."

A small smile started to creep over Scully's face, curling the corners of her lips as her eyelids flickered triumphantly. "If he can be any place and at anytime... then how do you plan to find him?"

"By making any place *my* place, and anytime... when I want it to be," Mulder grinned.

Both eyebrows rose this time but Scully had tired of the conversation.

"Come on, Scully," Mulder wheedled. "Wouldn't you like to meet the God of Love? Perhaps get him to shoot an arrow at Skinner..."

She glared for a second before shaking her head in exasperation. Scully turned away to carry on typing up her last report, as if this conversation with Mulder had never taken place. Mulder sighed. As much as he loved Scully, he could not deny that there were times when he wished she had just a little more faith beyond her religion. With no real case to investigate and no way of convincing her otherwise, he knew he was on his own this time.

****

Two Weeks Later:

Having a photographic memory meant Mulder recalled every word of every book he had ever read. That was the easy part. The hard part was recalling each entry's significance when he needed the information. He had wracked his brain for two weeks now, going through memory after memory as he sought the elusive links between all the texts he had ever read on Greek and Roman mythology. Somewhere, buried deep inside him, would be the answer he sought. Somewhere would be the tenuous data that would allow him to summon one of the ancient mythical gods... and Cupid in particular.

Initially, he had focused on the texts that described the religious practices in the great temples raised to honor the gods. The temple of Diane and the great oracle at Delphi that drew wisdom from Apollo. All required some offering depending on the god in question; Wine, food, flowers... sometimes blood.

What could Cupid want as an offering?

In exasperation, he decided to push aside his research for one night and pulled a video from his porn collection. Looking at the title, he frowned. This one was not a favorite. In fact, he had planned to trash it when he next felt the urge to weed out the not-so-greats from his massive collection. He started to replace it but froze as a single corny line from the film resurfaced... I've never been in love.

Mulder sank back onto the floor beside the VCR, turning the video over and over in his hands.

In that respect, he was no different to the big-breasted, platinum blonde with shiny pouting lips and a penchant for tearing off her clothes and deep-throating any man who came within five feet of her. He knew what love was. He had loved his sister, his mother. He loved Scully and had loved Phoebe and Diane after a fashion too... but he had never been in-love. He had never experienced that all-consuming passion, that heart-stopping, mind-blowing lightning strike that made every other love pale into insignificance.

What more could Cupid want as an offering than someone who had never felt the touch of one of his golden arrows?

He performed what he hoped was the right ritual, offering up himself in the hope of bringing Cupid to him, and trying not to feel foolish as he danced around the room semi-naked, clad only in his boxers with the little heart-shapes. The unwanted, rhythmic thump of Mrs. Jethro's broomstick handle upon her ceiling -- his floor -- brought the proceedings to an abrupt end.

Checking on all the instrumentation scattered around in the hopes of catching this elusive god, and finding nothing off-kilter, Mulder sank onto the couch in dismay, wishing he had bought a ground floor apartment... or better yet, the basement. He grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, letting rhythmic groans and moans fill the air as a Krycek-look-alike stood braced against the wall on the receiving end of a fairly pathetic blow-job by Miss Big-breasts-and-Shiny-Lips.

"I could do better than that," Mulder mumbled in annoyance, but his hand slipped inside his boxers as the dark-haired man lowered his head, concealing all the features that made him so different from ratboy. As ratboy-look-alike lost all control, leaving him trembling and vulnerable, Mulder decided that, just maybe, this porn flick had some merit after all.

****

Next Day:

With the sun barely breaching the horizon, Mulder set out on his habitual early morning run. He varied his route as usual, not wanting to make it easy for any potential assassins but ended up in running by the Lincoln Memorial anyway. He ran up the steps and paused at the top, bending over, hands on his knees as he tried to regulate his heavy breathing.

Mulder glanced up at the sound of running feet echoing in the stillness of the new day, not really concerned as he was not the only person who liked to take an early jog. He semi-smiled as a familiar man approached, licking his lips in appreciation of the graceful, agile figure with broad shoulders narrowing to a trim waist and strong legs. Muscles rippled in all the right places, and a fine sheen of sweat caused a halo effect as the early morning rays reflected off pale flesh. The incredibly handsome man came up the steps, thigh and calf muscles flexing in perfection. The man drew to a halt close to where Mulder stood by Lincoln's left knee and grinned.

His eyes were green, and glowing with vitality from the exertion, his hair darkened with sweat and plastered to his forehead. Altogether, he was the stuff of pornographic dreams with his heaving chest and soft panting breaths.

Mulder grinned in response, his stomach doing little flip-flops as his heart banged out a fresh tattoo in his chest. His heart told him he knew his man, that he had seen him on a dozen occasions while out running... but Mulder's photographic memory denied it vehemently. This man was a complete stranger manipulating him into believing he was a familiar face, and that could mean only one thing.

"Cupid."

The beautiful man's smile faltered slightly, which made Mulder's grin widen appreciably.

"I beg your pardon," the man said with a gentle, slightly questioning tone.

"I knew you would show," Mulder's eyes flicked around the empty scene, "though I figured it would be a more crowded place."

"Why would that be?"

Mulder felt a little disturbed, recalling the story of Psyche, who had pricked her finger on one of the golden arrows, falling in love with the sleeping god instantly. As Cupid was already in love with her, it made for a wonderful tale of love won, lost and then found again. However, if Cupid caused Mulder to fall in love with him too, then Mulder's love would be unrequited. After all, Cupid already had his beautiful Psyche to love and cherish.

Swallowing hard, Mulder took several steps back, his grin changing from smug to softly pleading. His eyes were drawn to a flutter of movement as almost invisible wings caused the slightest breeze in the still morning air.

The beautiful man laughed softly, hand reaching out to caress Mulder's cheek, turning his head aside. Mulder's eyes widened as he felt the tiny pain in his heart. He looked down at his chest, seeing a halo around a golden arrow that melted before his eyes, looking up to find he was standing alone. He screwed his eyes closed tight and sank back onto the steps below Lincoln's feet, terrified of opening them for fear of what -- or whom -- he might see.

Ten minutes passed before he heard the slight scuff of hesitant footsteps approaching.

"Go away," Mulder snarled. The footsteps halted but did not recede. "Please... just go away."

Instead of retreating, several steps echoed quickly until Mulder sensed the heat of another body close to him. A gentle hand touched his face.

"Mulder?"

He could not help himself, could not stop the opening snap of his eyes as that oh-so-familiar soft voice broke through his fear with memories of rage and blood lust.

"Krycek," he hissed, staring deep into green eyes... beautiful gold-flecked, soft green eyes that shone with fear and... and love.

Mulder barked out a laugh at the cruelty of the gods... and one god in particular. "So he got you too," he murmured even as his hand reached out to caress the freshly-shaved cheek of his nemesis.

Why had he never noticed how beautiful this man was before today?

Seeing Alex now almost broke his heart, for he knew this feeling of utter love and devotion was not one of his making. He knew it was the after-effects of one of Cupid's arrows causing him to fall deeply, madly in love with a man he had sworn to hate forever.

Mulder's fingers shook as they slid through the dark silken hair to cup the back of Alex's head, slowly drawing Alex forward into a tentative first kiss. Tiny jolts of electricity zinged through him as their lips brushed, triggering a memory of another time, another place. Visions of a dark room, of violence and repartee as they exchanged harsh words and... and a kiss. A chaste kiss that burned through his cheek to sear his soul. The words had torn into him, casting aside all the doubts that had paralyzed him, giving him fresh reason to hope, fresh desire to fight back against the demons that filled his head with uncertainty. This man had dogged his steps to hell and back, always dancing just one step out of reach, drawing him back from one precipice or another. Giving him hope.

"Mulder?"

He felt the warmth of Alex's breath upon his face, heard the concern in the soft voice, allowing it to soothe rather than irritate his soul and discovered that this voice had always been a balm to him. He watched as Alex's eyes darted from one direction to another, and knew Alex was watching out for *both* of them... just as he always had despite Mulder's past need to believe otherwise. Alex looked back with increasing fear glazing his eyes.

"Mulder?"

Mulder leaned back until he could stare back into those fear-filled eyes. They lowered in embarrassment, the dark hair falling across his temple and forehead just like... just like the man in the porn video, and Mulder knew.

It had never been hate. No matter how much he needed to hate this man for the pain and misery that seemed to have followed him through his life, often stalking him with Alex's body and face, he did not hate this man. Had never hated this man. He had always wanted him... had always...had always loved him. All Cupid's arrow had done was made him open up his mind to what his heart already knew.

He reached out and touched Alex's chin, making him raise his head... and Mulder grinned as he took those lips again in a lover's kiss.

THE END


End file.
